Eat or be eaten?

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

Michael Friedman

Change is inevitable

.... except from a vending machine.

Robert C. Gallagher

Indelible memories?

Elephants and grandchildren never forget. 

Andy Rooney

Science in daily life

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.  

Henry J. Tillman

Sit tight?

How much of human life is lost in waiting.  

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cracked?

We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.  

C. S. Lewis

Blown away?

My lips are chapped from the winds of change. 

Sarah Vowell

Duly noted

I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time.

Neil Gaiman

Anonymous design?

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Christopher Morley

Just chill?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Steven Wright

La différence?

On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.

Bruce Willis

Underexposed?

Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes. 

Jonathan Katz
 

Survival of the fittest?

Long after the bomb falls and you and your good deeds are gone, cockroaches will still be here, prowling the streets like armored cars.

Tama Janowitz

Bugged?

It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?

Henry David Thoreau

Better than truth serum?

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man person to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.

Graham Greene

Prolonged dormancy?

The two girls emanated an incorrigible idle inertia.

William Faulkner

It was a blonde.

A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window. 

Raymond Chandler

Happy Monday

Unbeing dead isn't being alive.

e. e. cummings

Early retirement reconsidered

It is not economical to go to bed early to save candles if the result is twins.  

 Chinese Proverb

Biological imperative?

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Jane Wagner