Face the new day?

Every day each of us wakes up, reaches into drawers and closets, pulls out a costume for the day and proceeds to dress in a style that can only be called preposterous.
 

Mary Schmich

Advice to commencement speakers?

Be sincere, be brief, be seated.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

A delusion

 ... is a fixed belief held in the presence of strong contradictory evidence. 

Jerrold M. Post

A toast

Stir the eggnog,
Lift the toddy
Happy New Year,
Everybody.

Phyllis McGinley

It all depends

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New  Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.  

Bill Vaughan

 

Once again, we come to the holiday season

... a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. 

Dave Barry

Another memorable evening

The dying process begins the minute we are born, but it accelerates during dinner parties.

Carol Matthau

No significant difference?

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

Grace Hanson

Gee, what a terrific party.

Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other. 

Neil Simon

It's June. Exercise caution.

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

James Thurber 

Go forth?

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. 

G. B. Trudeau