Not done in polite company?

One camel does not make fun of another camel's hump.

Ghanaian Proverb

Inquiring minds

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. 

Spike Milligan

It's been lovely

People are far more sincere and good-humored at speeding their parting guests than on meeting them.

Anton Chekhov

To stretch a point?

I try not to break the rules, but merely to test their elasticity.  

Bill Veeck

Skip the stemware

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands.

Lord Byron 

In case you were wondering

If it's against state law, it's generally considered a breach of Etiquette.

Judith Martin

Mum's the word?

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley 

Full disclosure?

My tattoo hurts is not the response I was expected when I asked the waitress how she was doing.

Jeff Frankenstein

Attentive?

Women like silent men.
They think they are listening.

Marcel Achard

Make nice?

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Boo?

Ghosts, like ladies,

never speak till spoken to.

Richard Harris Barham

Never invoke the gods....

... unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.

G.K. Chesterton

Enjoy your stay

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

Winston S. Churchill

Start the day right

If you have not slept, or if you have slept, or if you have headache, or sciatica, or leprosy, or thunder-stroke, I beseech you, by all angels, to hold your peace, and not pollute the morning.

Ralph Waldo Emerson