Hope springs eternal?

To believe in life is to believe there will always be someone who will water the geraniums. 


Flavia

Chrono-confoundment

A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure.  

Lee Segall

Think again

We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two.  We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about "and."

Arthur Stanley Eddington

There was the smell of old books....

...a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos.  

Scott Douglas

A blaze of glory

Brilliantly lit from stem to stern, she looked like a sagging birthday cake.

Walter Lord 

The hazards of relentless sunshine?

California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen
 

Dual Coding Theory Reconsidered

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Mitch Hedberg
   

It's a snore?

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake.  

Fran Lebowitz

Full disclosure?

My tattoo hurts is not the response I was expected when I asked the waitress how she was doing.

Jeff Frankenstein

No more problem.

One day, someone showed me a glass of water that was half full.  And he said, "Is it half full or half empty?"  So I drank the water.  No more problem.  

Alexander Jodorowsky

A gentle rebuke?

Do not be angry with the rain; it simply does not know how to fall upwards. 

Vladimir Nabokov

The embodiment of grace?

I for one venerate a petticoat. 

Lord Byron 

Aerial augury?

One swallow does not make a summer, but one skein of geese, cleaving the murk of a March thaw,  is the spring.  
 
Aldo Leopold 

Beyond the lunatic fringe?

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds;  our planet is the mental institution of the universe.  

Goethe

I'll say this for sherry....

It really makes you fancy a vodka.

Barbara Knox

Mud season reconsidered

This dirty puddle used to be pure snow.  I walk by it with respect.
 

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Less is more?

Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

H. L. Mencken

Face the new day?

Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence.

Jules Feiffer 

Ever modest?

The consumer’s side of the coffin lid is never ostentatious.
 

Stanislaw J. Lec

What goes around

It costs me never a stab nor squirm/ To tread by chance upon a worm/ Aha, my little dear, I say/Your clan will pay me back one day. 

Dorothy Parker
 

Binary School of Drama?

I only have two acting styles: with and without a horse.

Robert Mitcham 

Natural Order?

Marriages are made in heaven.
But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Anonymous

Plat du jour?

Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.   Mike Royko 

Terminal case?

For all the advances in medicine there is still no cure for the common birthday.  
John Glenn

Poster children?

Good girls like myself need subversion.

Janet Burroway

Cultural Hegemony?

Half the world does not know the joys of wearing cotton underwear.

Phil Gramm 

An unhappy outcome

In short, he so buried himself in his books that he spent the nights reading from twilight till daybreak and spent the days from dawn till dark; and so from little sleep and much reading, his brain dried up and he lost his wits. 

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra 

Soulmates?

Madam, I have been looking for a person who disliked gravy all my life; let us swear eternal friendship.


Sydney Smith 

A purpose driven life?

She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still. 

e. e. cummings

Post Secondary Education Reconsidered

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.    Frank Zappa

Legal Prowess?

I got Oedipus off the incest charge--technicality, of course--he didn't know it was his mother at the time.  

Jasper Fforde