It all depends

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New  Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.  

Bill Vaughan

 

Beyond reason?

There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California.

Edward Abbey 

All bases covered?

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. 

Vladimir Nabokov 

It was a blonde.

A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window. 

Raymond Chandler

There are two kinds of people in the world

The kind who alphabetize their record collections, and the kind who don't.  

Sarah Vowell

Gifted?

One can never have enough socks... Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.

 Albus Dumbledore
[J.K. Rowling] 

Festooned?

Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.  

Anon.

In the bosom of family

Christmas is a time when you get homesick -- even when you're home.  

Carol Nelson

Ho Ho Ho?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

Fa la la?

Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven.  

April Winchell

Once again, we come to the holiday season

... a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. 

Dave Barry

Punct'd?

Writers have no real area of expertise. They are merely generalists with a highly inflamed sense of punctuation.

Lorrie Moore

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories

... and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.  

Laura Ingalls Wilder

Cuked?

A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.

 Samuel Johnson

To be precise

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

Imelda Marcos

Eighth Law of Fashion

There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. 

 Goethe

Hacked?

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

David Letterman

You are what you eat?

Pie is the food of the heroic. No pie eating nation can ever be vanquished.

Editorial, New York Times, 1902

Happy Monday

Unbeing dead isn't being alive.

e. e. cummings

Keep your options open

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

Andrew S. Tanenbaum