Perk up a bad day

Every normal man person must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.


H. L. Mencken

Rule of Law?

The illegal we do immediately.
The unconstitutional takes a little longer.



Henry Kissinger

The obscure we see eventually.

The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer. 

Edward R. Murrow

Rule of thumb?

The optimum committee has no members.

Norman Augustine

Beware of all enterprises....

... that require new clothes.

Henry David Thoreau

Well-rounded?

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

Tallulah Bankhead

Hidden agenda?

Not only does God play dice with the universe, he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.

Neils Bohr

Now I lay me down to sleep

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.

Mary C. Crowley

Uneven metrication?

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. 

Dave Barry

Forget about digital natives

In fact, the ubiquity of the handheld reflects two other key trends among the Baby Boomers: No one has a secretary, and no one can remember a damn thing.

Elliott Abrams

Sartorial splendor?

His socks compelled one's attention without losing one's respect.


H. H. Munro 

For what it's worth

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be
a boss and work twelve hours a day.

Robert Frost 

We both love you

The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint.

James Fenton

Look again.

In gardens, beauty is a by-product.  The main business is sex and death.   


Sam Llewellyn

Go forth?

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. 

G. B. Trudeau

Unavoidable Bother

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Dorothy Parker
 

Good fences, frustrated neighbors?

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.

Sophia Loren 

I don't believe that less is more.

I believe that more is more. That less is less, fat fat, thin thin, and enough is enough.

Mark Hampton

Only in America...

...Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 


Anon.

And so it goes

Life's like Sanskrit read to a pony.

Lou Reed 

I find it a great antidote...

...lipstick and mirrors and hairspray.

Joanna Lumley

A beacon of light

Nowhere am I so desperately needed as among a shipload of illogical humans.

Mr. Spock

Hit the road?

It's very easy. Just sell everything, and keep what you might need in a motor home.

Bill Schneider 

Just do it?

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Second time's the charm?

I got married the second time in the way that, when a murder is committed, crackpots turn up at the police station to confess the crime.

Delmore Schwartz 

Despite our best efforts

Tomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity.  You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it.

S. J. Perelman

Data analysis?

If I am reading this graph correctly, I would be very surprised. 

Stephen Colbert

Having it all?

When you’re away, I’m restless, lonely/Wretched, bored, dejected only/ Here’s the rub, my darling dear/ I feel the same when you are here.

Samuel Hoffenstein 



 

With God on our side

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. 


Anne Lamott

And makeup isn't enough

Politics is show business for ugly people.

Bill Miller

Swept away?

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin.  Or maybe I mean why. 

Katharine Whitehorn