We've heard that a million monkeys....

...at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

Robert Wilensky

One of the few good things about modern life...

...If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

Kurt Vonnegut

Transportation?

Bourbon does for me what the piece of cake did for Proust.

Walker Percy

An exception to the rule?

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Mark Twain

Green leafy food group?

Tobacco is my favorite vegetable.

Frank Zappa

First Amendment Rights

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.

Marshall Lumsden

Clean living?

When you dreams turn to dust, vacuum.

Instead of building newer and larger weapons of mass destruction....

I think mankind should try to get more use out of the ones we have.

Jack Handy

Do as I say?

Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example.

Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Strange Convergence = Bright lights + Talking Heads

Last resort?

Nathan Coley's sculpture in Folkestone, a British seaside town.

Going through a reorganization...

Is a lot like playing fifty-two pickup. First you have a big mess; then everything gets sorted out.

Missing

Of all the things I miss, the thing I miss the most is my mind.

Lotus Weinstock

A Nobel calling?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

A. Einstein

Boo?

Ghosts, like ladies,

never speak till spoken to.

Richard Harris Barham

Parallel Universe?

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrassment. They farm fungi, raise aphids as livestock, launch armies into war, use chemical sprays to alarm and confuse enemies, capture slaves, engage in child labor, exchange information ceaselessly. They do everything but watch television.

Lewis Thomas

The feeling's mutual

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.

David Frost

One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.

Dilbert

Welcome to Hell

Here's your accordion.

Gary Larson

Even then he knew

We dare not trust our wit for making our house pleasant to our friend, so we buy ice cream.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everybody is a potential murderer....

...I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.

Clarence Darrow